Resume of a Stay At Home Mom

9/12/2011

Dear Madam or Sir;

I have a history of being an active member of the work-force for nearly 24 years prior to becoming a stay at home mom 4 and a half years ago.  However, instead of boring you with the details of my years of practice as an office nurse, medical office administrator, insurance coordinator & reimbursement specialist, dietician, nutritional counselor, sales associate and retail manager, I thought it might be more relevant to detail my experience of the most recent years I have spent as a homemaker. 

Please note the resume attached below.  My vast experience should qualify me for just about any position you have available.  My salary requirements are non-existent...ooops, I mean negotiable.  Please do not hestitate to contact me should you require further information or references.  Although I have been out of the professional loop for eons, I'm sure there are several other Moms who can validate my skills.

Sincerely,

Karen Rodgers, Chief Mom in Charge

RESUME:

KAREN CURTIS RODGERS

Domestic Engineer & Household Goddess~ April, 2007 to Present

            Food Services/Nutritionist:  Planning & preparation of well balanced, healthy & economical meals.  Includes services as both Chef and short order cook & provider of desirable snacks & appropriate drinks in the event of sudden onset of munchies.

            Inventory Control:  Procurement, management & organization of all household & personal items including groceries, toiletries, clothing, toys, cooking supplies, cleaning supplies, furniture & decorative items.  Management & allocation of all consignment items & donations to charitable organizations.

            Environmental Specialist:  All janitorial & custodial services including dusting, sweeping, mopping, washing dishes, cleaning & sanitizing all bathroom & kitchen surfaces. Complete laundry service for clothing & linens. Disposal of all household waste.  

            Event Planner/Social Coordinator:  Scheduling of all extra-curricular activities such as playgroup, sporting classes & events, museum & Science Spectrum excursions, festivals, playground visits and birthday parties.  Provide appropriate refreshments and transportation to and from all events.

            Psychologist/Life Coach:  Family mediation & interpersonal communications guidance with emphasis on manners, politeness & sharing.  Provide positive reinforcement with utilization of the “do unto others, never give up, not how you win but how you play the game, there is no I in team, early bird catches the worm” philosophy.

            Theological Instructor:  Religious & moral instruction detailing biblical history, i.e.:  Adam & Eve, Moses, Noah & the Ark, Jonah & the Whale, 5 Fishes & 2 Loaves of Bread, Zaccheus the Wee Little Man, Daniel in the Lion’s Den, God, Jesus & Satan.  Additional experience as a volunteer at Thursday School teaching above lessons, doing crafts, singing songs, preparing snacks, playground duty & potty assistance.

            Language & Speech Therapist:  Teaching primary language, proper annunciation & usage to young humans.

            Residential Entertainment Specialist:  Adept in navigating remote to Boomerang, Nickelodeon, Sprout and PBS channels.  Librarian responsible for organization of Disney, DreamWorks & Pixar dvd’s and X-Box 360, Nintendo & Wii gaming discs & systems.  Adept in game system applications and assisting young children in initiating games and developing problem solving skills by attaining more points, coins, tokens, etc.

            Exterminator:  Adept in maintaining control of all indoor pests such as bugs, spiders & mice, spraying outdoors for ants, planting peanut pellets for gophers & snake-away pellets in flower beds.  (Assistance is required for disposal of said pests)

            Barber:  Adult & youth male haircuts using scissors or trimmers. 

            Interior Decorator:  Purchasing & placement of all residential interior décor.

            Relocation Specialist:  Negotiating and completing FSBO residential sales contracts including communications with mortgage agents, inspectors, title clerks & insurance agents.  Scheduling moving services including trucks, trailers, pick-up & delivery of storage containers and arranging disconnect & assumption of utility services.  Packing & labeling of all household contents.

            CFO/Accounting:  Accounts receivable, accounts payable, preparation of tax documents, profit/loss reporting, budgeting.

            Nurse:  Assessment & treatment of bumps, bruises, scrapes, ant & mosquito bites, runny noses, coughs, fever, nausea, vomiting and diarrhea.  Special training in containment and clean-up of hazardous bodily fluids such as snot, pee, spit-up, throw-up & poop. Proficient in ability to “kiss and make it better”.

            Travel Agent:  Ability to schedule & book air, hotel, rental car, event/activity tickets in a frugal manner utilizing Expedia, Travelocity & Priceline discounts & promotions.

            Art Director/Gallery Curator: Provide art instruction with practical application for youth.  Responsible for displaying completed art projects on refrigerator or appropriate wall space.

            Coach:  Instruct & participate in outdoor activities such as shooting hoops, playing catch, bump-set-spike, and water balloon toss & snorkeling in kiddie pool.

            Gopher:  Purchasing & delivering materials & supplies (including Dairy Queen Blizzards & MooLatte’s) to my husband’s work-site.

            Landscape Services:  Mowing grass, weeding, planting shrubbery & flowers.  Adept in laying flagstone patios.

            Associate of Retail Sales:  Organizing, hanging, doing data entry & printing labels and tagging all clothing, toys & baby gear for bi-yearly consignment sale.

            Pet Services:  Feeding, watering & entertaining 17 year old cat.  Poop-scooping & changing litter box.  Getting cat into pet carrier for transport or vet appointments.  Cleaning up occasional hair-balls.

            Guest Services:  Assuring the house is clean, in order and there are fresh linens for all guests.  Stocking fridge & pantry for company.  Maintaining polite & courteous demeanor, no matter who the guest may be, including extended-stay services provided to in-laws.

            Childcare:  In addition to providing full-time care to my own child, I take pride in ensuring that I am well-stocked in freezer pops, Capri Sun, cookies, Pringles, popcorn and juice in the event that any neighborhood children are in need of refreshment.  Plenty of indoor & outdoor toys are always available for use.  I am experienced in whistling for puppies, chasing balls rolling into the street, pulling stickers out of socks, wiping noses and securing Velcro shoe straps.

            Records:  Organizing & filing all business receipts, tax documents & official records.  Sorting & deciphering the junk-mail, magazine, paid bills, flyers & owner’s manuals pile that always accumulates on the kitchen counter.

            Photographer/Historian:  Photographing all of life’s precious moments and keeping chronologically filed digital & real photo albums for viewing.

            Communications/IT:  Ensuring that all desk-top, lap-top, modem, router, phone, printer, web-cam & headphone capabilities are integrated and running in an uninterrupted manner.  Renewing & operating anti-virus programs, updating, defragging & performing system scans frequently. 

            Romance Specialist:  Maintaining marital relationship, enhancing physical appearance and providing romantic interludes for the CEO with no regard to how horrid the earlier day’s events may or may not have been.  Focusing on fostering diplomacy by using marriage appropriate language, such as “Yes, dear, whatever you say”, instead of “Kiss my ***”!